Beware.....There be Thieves!!!!!!!!
The other weekend I was sat in my Bayswater local having a pint and Pie"n"Mash when a terrible din started. "Oh My Lord!..... Oh Lordy Lordy! My Bag! Where is my bag?" A rather wide bottomed American lady (arn't they all!) was going hysterical as she had lost her handbag. Or so it seemed. The duty manager was quickly on the case and trying to calm the situation down. "What kind of handbag was it madame?" enquired the DM. "My fannybag it was my fannybag....oh Lordy........oh my Lord!.......my fannybag!!!!!" the woman was in such a state now she was chanting the "Lordy-o-Lorks fannybag mantra". The DM retired to call the Police. Her husband was complaining that London was full of criminals, and that it rained too much, and that our beer was a funny colour and warm!
I sat back and watched the caberet. The Police duly arrived and went through the same routine as the DM had done 20 mins earlier. It transpires that she last remembers having her fannybag (bumbag) about two hours ago whilst sitting on a bench in Kensington Gardens. Hubby went to get I quote "soda-pops (Coke Pepsi..etc.....and candy (Chocky sweeties etc) from the little smiling brown man" (maybe a kiosk of some kind or on the other hand they may be on acid?) She then went over to Hubby so that she could add some chips (crisps) to the order. She thinks she may have left the fannybag on the bench. They then headed here to have lunch! (I should suggest they have salad!) and noticed the fannybag had been stolen (lost).
This is when it gets good...(for the audience not for the Americans). The Police Officer asks what was in the fannybag madame? "Well she says let me think.........erm...... 400 of your pounds....700 US......our passports.......return flight tickets.......credit cards......hotel keys.......map of how to get to Hotel.......Digital Camera........Video Camera........Hotel safety deposit box key.........Hotel safety deposit box paperwork...........birth certificates......hire car keys.......hire car keys paperwork (giving make, reg and colour of car!) and on and on and on. I had a mental picture of the shere size of the fannybag, it must be huge. I wouldn't be surprised if the bloody hire car was in there aswell!
Note to tourists leave your stuff in the hotel and keep always keep 1 hand on your fanny!
I sat back and watched the caberet. The Police duly arrived and went through the same routine as the DM had done 20 mins earlier. It transpires that she last remembers having her fannybag (bumbag) about two hours ago whilst sitting on a bench in Kensington Gardens. Hubby went to get I quote "soda-pops (Coke Pepsi..etc.....and candy (Chocky sweeties etc) from the little smiling brown man" (maybe a kiosk of some kind or on the other hand they may be on acid?) She then went over to Hubby so that she could add some chips (crisps) to the order. She thinks she may have left the fannybag on the bench. They then headed here to have lunch! (I should suggest they have salad!) and noticed the fannybag had been stolen (lost).
This is when it gets good...(for the audience not for the Americans). The Police Officer asks what was in the fannybag madame? "Well she says let me think.........erm...... 400 of your pounds....700 US......our passports.......return flight tickets.......credit cards......hotel keys.......map of how to get to Hotel.......Digital Camera........Video Camera........Hotel safety deposit box key.........Hotel safety deposit box paperwork...........birth certificates......hire car keys.......hire car keys paperwork (giving make, reg and colour of car!) and on and on and on. I had a mental picture of the shere size of the fannybag, it must be huge. I wouldn't be surprised if the bloody hire car was in there aswell!
Note to tourists leave your stuff in the hotel and keep always keep 1 hand on your fanny!
posted by The Quill of Stu at 9:30 AM
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